Year of the tiger-lilly

Archive for July, 2010

After giving another girl some advice on a problem she was having, I realized that I was culpable of the very thing she was complaining about. She claims her boyfriend just wouldn’t shut up about a girl he claims he WAS madly deeply in love with. After a similar situation in 2,9 year relationship with an ex who later claimed to have “never been in love” with me, I told her  kick him to the curb.

Let me extrapolate. My ex told me off the bat that he’s in love with this girl. He met this girl when he was five and fell in love with her from the moment she said “Hi, my name is D.” He approached her later in his teen years, but she rejected him. I thought “that’s okay, he hasn’t seen her in years now and she rejected him. I’m going to be a better girlfriend than this girl could ever be.”

• First Mistake: Trying to compete with a fantasy
• Second Mistake: Thinking a guy is over the girl after she rejects him
• Third Mistake: Falling for a guy who has betrothed his heart to another at age 5

Like I said after being with me for almost 3 years he tells me he loved me because I loved him and that he was never “in love” with me. *grumble grumble*

Fine! After a lot of other sh** he put me through what with all his emotional/psychological/financial problems , I just feel so angry. Mind you , this didn’t happen the day we broke up. Gradually as we spoke after the break-up more and more did I realize he was just using me as a therapist/bank. I’m just glad he had the common decency to pay me back [almost] every penny he owed me, which, trust me, was a pretty penny.

However, this is what I’m talking about – a lot. My ex!

I’m just so hurt by what he did I just feel like venting all the time, and I’m sad to say my BF is the one who bears the brunt of most of my continuous gal-spewing about my ex. I just hope he doesn’t think I’m going to leave him to go back to my ex — not even to save humanity — or ,like the girl on the forum, get justifiably upset/ jealous.

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring – quite often the hard way.  ~Pamela Dugdale

I’ve finally found a moment in which I can blog about this even though it’s a topic 18 years in the making: my sister. My sister is 6 years my junior and growing up no one has caused me so much grief, pain and despair as my little sister has. The above mentioned quote proved to be especially true when I decided it was time for me to put an end to my sister’s abuse.

Abuse seems like such a large dirty word, but it’s actually easy to label my little sister as abusive. Her main tool was character assassination. Every single action that could be perceived as poor judgement, immature, disobedient on my behalf or would otherwise trigger disappointment or disapproval from my parents was relayed by her to my mother. So, for the better part of my childhood I was seen as the problem child. At the age of eighteen, I remember my mother and I having a heated argument about something and I told her in no uncertain words, that if she thought I was such a problem she would learn who my sister truly was once I’d have left the household. Prophetic words my mother now tells me sent chills down her spine and now ring true with her since my little sister now uses her as the metaphoric punching-bag.

In the 6 years after I’ve moved out, nothing had changed. My sister was still being disrespectful to my parents, ungrateful for anything anyone does for her and had a short temper that would put Naomi Campbell to shame. Only this time I had an outsider witness this, my BF, who was so impressed — not in a good way — he actually blogged about it on his weblog. Mind you my sister is only this way with first-degree family members, meaning my mother, father and I are the only ones who truly get to fully appreciate the venomous personality my sister has. To all others my sister is Mother Theresa incarnate.

I’d decided I had enough. I was sick of having an eighteen-year-old beat me and my mother up emotionally. So, I posted a long, respectful but clear status on Facebook – she would otherwise walk away from me mid-conversation – noting no names, but making clear to whom it may concern:

• I will not tolerate this kind of behavior, because I’m too old for this bullsh*t
• I think your selfish, unkind and ungrateful
• I will not speak to, nor help you in any shape or form till an apology has been given

Those are the Cliff’s Notes. She responded on my Facebook by telling me to come to her room, where she preceded to apologize and cry. I told her I would give her any help she needed but the second she f*cks up I’m back to treating her as non-existent and will continue doing so forever.

 This was 15 days ago. She still continues being of no help whatsoever to my mom, but her mood has dramatically improved and she’s been putting in an observable effort in being more pleasant to me and my parents. Let’s hope she keeps it up.