Year of the tiger-lilly

Archive for the ‘** Dear Diary **’ Category

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring – quite often the hard way.  ~Pamela Dugdale

I’ve finally found a moment in which I can blog about this even though it’s a topic 18 years in the making: my sister. My sister is 6 years my junior and growing up no one has caused me so much grief, pain and despair as my little sister has. The above mentioned quote proved to be especially true when I decided it was time for me to put an end to my sister’s abuse.

Abuse seems like such a large dirty word, but it’s actually easy to label my little sister as abusive. Her main tool was character assassination. Every single action that could be perceived as poor judgement, immature, disobedient on my behalf or would otherwise trigger disappointment or disapproval from my parents was relayed by her to my mother. So, for the better part of my childhood I was seen as the problem child. At the age of eighteen, I remember my mother and I having a heated argument about something and I told her in no uncertain words, that if she thought I was such a problem she would learn who my sister truly was once I’d have left the household. Prophetic words my mother now tells me sent chills down her spine and now ring true with her since my little sister now uses her as the metaphoric punching-bag.

In the 6 years after I’ve moved out, nothing had changed. My sister was still being disrespectful to my parents, ungrateful for anything anyone does for her and had a short temper that would put Naomi Campbell to shame. Only this time I had an outsider witness this, my BF, who was so impressed — not in a good way — he actually blogged about it on his weblog. Mind you my sister is only this way with first-degree family members, meaning my mother, father and I are the only ones who truly get to fully appreciate the venomous personality my sister has. To all others my sister is Mother Theresa incarnate.

I’d decided I had enough. I was sick of having an eighteen-year-old beat me and my mother up emotionally. So, I posted a long, respectful but clear status on Facebook – she would otherwise walk away from me mid-conversation – noting no names, but making clear to whom it may concern:

• I will not tolerate this kind of behavior, because I’m too old for this bullsh*t
• I think your selfish, unkind and ungrateful
• I will not speak to, nor help you in any shape or form till an apology has been given

Those are the Cliff’s Notes. She responded on my Facebook by telling me to come to her room, where she preceded to apologize and cry. I told her I would give her any help she needed but the second she f*cks up I’m back to treating her as non-existent and will continue doing so forever.

 This was 15 days ago. She still continues being of no help whatsoever to my mom, but her mood has dramatically improved and she’s been putting in an observable effort in being more pleasant to me and my parents. Let’s hope she keeps it up.

I know whenever I’m feeling lost, feeling lonely, feeling blue I turn to… Mr. Deity. His guidance is… non-existant, his infinate wisdom is… well, also non-existant, his love for us… well, you’re beginning to see a patern I hope. What I do know is that HE exists, and that working on our personal relationship through his webshow has helped me get to know him in a way I could never get to know another human being. Here’s Mr. Deity once again in his infinate deitiness — if that’s even a word — to explain to us all the female menstrual cycle:

If you’ve enjoyed this YouTube clip check out Mr. Deity I and Mr. Deity II. If really enjoyed this clip visit Mr. Deity and start working on your personal relationship with him today!

I finally told my mother…

I told her that BF and I are going to try and buy a house; her reaction was: Okay. I even told my father and his reaction was: Do you like the house? Are you happy? If you’re happy, I’m happy.

The most notable aspect of what happened during that phone call was that my mom didn’t cram her opinion in as soon as I told her and my father actually did sound genuinely happy for me. I think this is the first time that my dad handled me doing the “grown up” thing better than my mom did.

Yesterday evening BF and I headed towards future sister-in-law to celebrate her birthday. I was hoping to get somewhat plastered since the drinks were for free and I had “unlimited” access to my drink of choice: Apfelkorn. To keep the report short and sweet: I was not tipsy, everyone now knows what my nipples look like and my hair stinks of smoke. No, I will not elaborate. I had more fun this morning when we sat down for breakfast. Better luck next year I guess.

As for the to-do list, I am working on it. I haven’t updated it in a while, but I will soon.

What a wonderful week it has been so far! I feel like sharing, so here’s a Dear Diary to keep you up to date with all things random — that’s if you don’t follow my twitter.

My (future) sister-in-law turned 32 Monday and as a suprise we drove an hour to her place and spent the evening with her, her partner and their moms. I had a drink or two and ( I never have to be the bob and noshed on some snacks and talked house. Speaking of which we saw our second house today… I must say that though I tried to contain my excitement about the one we saw yesterday — afterall it was our first house viewing — the house we saw today really made me appreciate house nr. 1

House nr. 1: It’s in a small religious village right next to a church (Sunday’s rest? Not for us). It takes about an half an hour — by bike and then a bus ride — to get to town. Those are the down sides. The upside is that the owner has been renovating the house and it looks like you can move right on in. It has a wonderful bathroom and lots of storage space. There’s a harbor nearby (a little boat in the future?) I’ve been actually dreaming away about how it would be to live there.

House nr. 2: Is cheaper than house nr. 1 and has a whole lot more room. Those are the upsides. The down sides are: the previous owners were smokers, there’s a lot of remodeling work necessary. The neighbors are… well… they’ve got kids and the parents are screamers. You’re surrounded by houses all over; you’ve got no view. We both pretty much knew it was a no-go from the moment we stood at the front door.

We will keep looking of course, but we both already feel like House nr. 1 is our house.

Random:

• Today I did nr. 2 at work for the first time ever! I hate, hate using public toilets, so this was really an emergency.
• BF expressed his interest in cooking… B-Day gift idea?
• Hammy is still alive — I need to contact the Pet Shop for the Critter Trail Revolution

So, I didn’t do much this weekend except catch up on Lost –we’ve now finally moved on to season 3. I think BF and I watched about 10 hours of Lost spread across the weekend. We also went to the movies and watched Komt Een Vrouw Bij De Dokter.

Synopsis: Rich couple are in love; wife allows husband to have sex with other women. Wife gets breast cancer; husband feels like he’s losing his wife and replaces her with a surrogate. Wife gets better; husband comes back to her. Wife gets sick again; husband decides he’s going to stick around this time. This is an “ode to love”; more a story of how a husband deals with his sick wife– first by being an egotistical bastard and then growing-up and learning to be there for his wife. Did I cry- No. Could I have cried- Yes. The movie does give (I believe) a realistic depiction of what it is like to fight cancer, that in and of itself is something hard to watch. To think that some people here in Holland think it’s cool to curse with such a disease.

To do-list:

• The Game: Cheating part II
• Call career counselor

*sigh*

One sentence is enough to constitute a diary entry, right? Guess not.

 I’m not really moving along on my to do-list. I’m having a little spat with my sister V. about religion, but that’s mostly because she’s a “holier than thou”; hypocrital; judgemental bitch girl. –How many sentences have I written now?

I’m not really moving along on my to-do list. I’ll just finish up what I’ve started next week (clean room item). I’m going to go to bed on time today. So… see you around tomorrow.

Okay, so bf went off to save the day (substitute at his old badminton club), and I decided I would stay home; clean the house and have some “me time”. Great frackin’ plan that turned out to be. My room is now clean — sorta, but that phone call to go out and party with collegues? Well, let’s just say I’m starting to lose faith.

The thing is, I’ve been with bf for so long now, I kinda feel lonely when he’s not around. Yes, when he is here we sit in separate rooms blogging or gaming away behind our computers; but there was always time for snuggle- (and or annoy-) breaks in between. I use to relish the weekends, time where I can sit at home and do nothing. However, now that I’ve got a whole blog set up dedicated to doing ‘stuff’, sitting home alone behind the PC is just no longer a viable option for me. I know, I know; bf is reading this and thinking “you could’ve come along with me”, but that’s just not an option either. Being in his hometown doing stuff with his friends just doesn’t make it my weekend. I want to go out with my friends, in my hometown.

Well, I can’t say I didn’t have the chance to be doing something “exciting” this weekend. I mean I got propositioned by someone I met on Tagged. [sarcasm] It’s just a darn shame I don’t have “cheat on my boyfriend” on my to do-list, cause then I just might have done it. [/sarcasm]. I even forwent the chance to sleep-over at T.S.’s because I thougth I would be going out with some collegues.

I’m going to stop whining. Not every weekend has to be filled to the brink with activity. There should be a balance between rest and activity. So, I look foward to the next one: I’ll be sleeping over at my sis and at JD’s; now that’s going to be fun!

It’s late. It’s really late; it’s too late to be up without the aid of alcohol.

I Skyped C.

Yay! One down, 99 more to go! –Well, yea I need to come up with 51 more things to put on my list, but hey; it’s only January.

What was that? Distance learning…? Well, technically I’ve got till February first to apply… Oh dear, my procrastination is showing. Since I’ve got no readers, commenting suggestions on how I should punish myself, I might as well let myself off the hook… No one’s looking; it’ll be my little secret

But seriously. Tomorrow, I’m thinking of crossing “clean room” off my list. Bf is away for the weekend, so I can clean at my leisure without disturbing anyone. I’m thinking of taking before and after pics. Same goes for the dry crusty disgusting hands of mine (hooray for personal put-downs!)

Must sleep… (Does sleeping on dry Zumba sweat constitute disgusting personal hygiene? Nevermind, I’m hitting the shower)

I’ve got five minutes.

Today, I had a day off: no exercise, no commitment, no nothing. So I spent my evening cooking ( I lie, I spent my evening on Tagged and watching videos on Youtube). My point is, no, I did not eat Subway or soup or some other quikie meal. I took the time to make a potato salad (with mayo– I know). It was delicious. Bf and I watched The Mole (Dutch Edition– it’s going to be addictive). And usually right about now I would sit behind my PC and blog till bedtime. However, bf is tapping his fingers.

Yes, I’m cutting this diary entry short to go have sex…

I’m human, so sue me.

Yes, yes…

Why isn’t “apply for distance learning” crossed off the list? I was going to try and get it done today, but I couldn’t log on to the site where I have to arrange all of that. If I haven’t crossed the item off by the end of the week I’m going to have to punish myself somehow… (I’ll have to think about how; any suggestions?)

I’ve been to T.S. to torture myself workout. I’m exhausted. I don’t even have the energy to work on my blog — excluding the current diary entry you’re reading. I had my daily requirement of two pieces of fruit and instead of a pizza — which I was tempted to eat– I had some soup with a sandwhich. ( yay me!)

My bf’s feeling under the weather, so I’m going to get back to taking care of him.