Year of the tiger-lilly

Archive for the ‘Health, Mind & Beauty’ Category

I don’t know what’s happened to me but it’s gone from bad to worst. I was never the type to enjoy a nice bloody horror movie, but the occasional action flick was never really a problem. Lately, I can’t even get through a suspenseful scene in an action film let alone watch a horror movie. BF rented SawVI; he couldn’t get past the first 5 min, I probably wouldn’t get past the menu.

BF rented The Hurt Locker this weekend, it was supposed to be our “watch it together film”, well that didn’t turn out to be the case. I couldn’t care less that it won 6 academy awards, I’d have to sit through 2 hours of watching people getting blown up; no, thank you. I kissed BF goodbye and sat behind my PC and played Sims3. You’re probably thinking to yourself: “well you knew about the *boom* before you rented the DVD, didn’t you?” Well, I thought to myself: “I’ve got The Soloist, so let BF have something he’ll enjoy.”

*sigh* I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get over this scaredy-cat complex, but I feel it’s limiting me in the movies that I can watch and if a couch potato like me can’t even enjoy movies anymore, what reason do I have left to live? [/dramaqueen]

Don’t get me wrong:

“Just because I’m losing. Doesn’t mean I’m lost… Doesn’t mean I’ll stop.”

After yesterday’s dramatic exit from the Web, I thought I should come back and clearify. I haven’t given up on dreaming of a better me. The blog will continue, I will keep trying to get a degree, I will try and look my best…

From now on it will be on my terms. My new life motto will be: Does it work, does it make me happy? If the answer is no, I drop it like a bad habit and move on — FYI bad habits are very hard to drop. I’m not motivated by the long-term and necessary; I’m motivated by the new and exciting, at the same time I have trouble facing the unknown. Yes, I’m a walking ball of contridictions. But finally just being myself is what’s going to make me happy. I’ve got to stop worrying about the future and who I’m supposed to be. There’s no one keeping score; there’s no prize at the end of the maze. The maze IS the prize. So, I might as well enjoy the scenery, I’ll get to where I want to be (on some things) eventually.

The tears have flown freely. Released of all tension I write to you to tell you that I’ve given up.

I’ve given up Teacher training.

I’ve given up Losing weight.

I’ve given up Blogging everyday

I’ve given up Eating healthy

I’ve given up social perceptions of who I’m meant to be: I’m not college educated;  I’m not 65 kg; I’m not consistent; I’m not a salad-eating, calorie-counting, skinny jeans wearing, bottled water-carrying, so-skinny-she-wants-to-gain-weight kind of girl. It’s not me. Never was, most probably never will be. I’ve been trying to motivate myself to do all sorts of things for all the wrong reasons. I have a new goal: Find my passion. I want to know what sets me on fire!

to be continued…

So, I wanted to go to Zumba today. I actually did the sensible thing and took my bike. I actually biked it in 20 min. Feeling slightly out of breath, but not quite knocking on death’s door, I got to the door only to find it locked.

Apparently the class was cancelled. No phone call, no e-mail, no text message? How could he end it this way?

Anyway, that’s not the point though. The point is I managed to bike to Zumba and back within 30 min and I got home not gasping for air, not needing the kiss of life, not aching all over. I’m not sure if my story so far has conveyed this, but my condition is/was very poor. However, after 7 weeks of Zumba it’s actually possible that my condition is improving. Yay! I actually weighed myself 2 weeks back and I weight about 2 lbs/ 1k lighter than what I started with. I was was so disheartened, I was hoping to see dramatic improvement in my weight. BF told me that I might be losing fat and gaining muscle. I didn’t want to believe him back then, but after tonight… I don’t know, I might be on track after all

progress (0/9):

• Weigh 65 kilo
• Get a six-pack
• Go to Zumba class 2 times a week (1/46)
• Go to T.S. for workout session once a week (2/46)
• Get a piercing   
• Cure self of chronic dry hands
• Eat two pieces of fruit a day
• Get nails done
• Get bikini-wax