Archive for the ‘Romance & Sexuality’ Category
July 20th, 2010 | 
Author: After giving another girl some advice on a problem she was having, I realized that I was culpable of the very thing she was complaining about. She claims her boyfriend just wouldn’t shut up about a girl he claims he WAS madly deeply in love with. After a similar situation in 2,9 year relationship with an ex who later claimed to have “never been in love” with me, I told her kick him to the curb.
Let me extrapolate. My ex told me off the bat that he’s in love with this girl. He met this girl when he was five and fell in love with her from the moment she said “Hi, my name is D.” He approached her later in his teen years, but she rejected him. I thought “that’s okay, he hasn’t seen her in years now and she rejected him. I’m going to be a better girlfriend than this girl could ever be.”
- First Mistake: Trying to compete with a fantasy
- Second Mistake: Thinking a guy is over the girl after she rejects him
- Third Mistake: Falling for a guy who has betrothed his heart to another at age 5
Like I said after being with me for almost 3 years he tells me he loved me because I loved him and that he was never “in love” with me. *grumble grumble*
Fine! After a lot of other sh** he put me through what with all his emotional/psychological/financial problems , I just feel so angry. Mind you , this didn’t happen the day we broke up. Gradually as we spoke after the break-up more and more did I realize he was just using me as a therapist/bank. I’m just glad he had the common decency to pay me back [almost] every penny he owed me, which, trust me, was a pretty penny.
However, this is what I’m talking about – a lot. My ex!
I’m just so hurt by what he did I just feel like venting all the time, and I’m sad to say my BF is the one who bears the brunt of most of my continuous gal-spewing about my ex. I just hope he doesn’t think I’m going to leave him to go back to my ex — not even to save humanity — or ,like the girl on the forum, get justifiably upset/ jealous.
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He’s been hinting at it… Every time the M-word comes up, he puts out his feelers checking for my reaction. So, after dating for a year; living together for another and having an overall easy-going relationship: Why wouldn’t I just say yes? Read the rest of this entry »
The following post is explicit and contains sexual content if you are squeamish about sex/porn do not continue reading… Read the rest of this entry »
So, it’s time to revisit the topic of “cheating”. I started off by asking my readers what they consider cheating aside from the usual kissing/heavy petting/intercourse –got no response, but that’s beside the point. I’ll give you my answer on matter.
Let me start off by saying I’ve never actually physically done anything that could constitute cheating. But, I do play the game… everyone does (=gross false generalisation).
So, let’s bring up The Game chart:
- Not play the game at all = stay home, never look a man in the eyes and cover you body from head to toe when/if you leave the house
- Play innings 1-3 = Any non-verbal behavior programmed to let another person know you like them: smiling, mirroring, eye-contact, hair flipping/twirling
- Play innings 4-6 = Any conscious behavior: light (unnecessary) touching, purposefully looking that person up, flirtatious jokes, winking
- Play innings 7-9 = Any behaviour that constitutes courting: prolonged touching, chatting/ calling, rendezvous outside of usual contact, dancing
I’ll admit that I sometimes consciously flirt with others, though I must add that that’s not the norm. I would say the norm is innings 1-3; tops. There’s this guy at work that I’m pretty sure likes me. I flirt with him a lot. I laugh extra hard at his jokes, I touch his arm, I make sure I look him in the eye and smile for no particular reason. Why? Because, I can. It makes me feel better about myself when he does the same thing right back at me. I chalk it up to innocent fun and games, because he knows I have a boyfriend. I’ll rate it 6th inning flirting. I don’t go beyond that.
It was held at the Jaarbeurs in Utrecht. It was a three day event which started on Friday and ended on Sunday. After hours of contemplating whether or not my boyfriend and I should go– as I was suffering from a UTI– I finally decided to suck it up (and hold it) and go to the Kamasutra Fair. As it turned out, I did not regret going! We spent a combined total of €200,- euros on sex-toys and other products.
The Fair:
The Kamasutra Fair was jam packed, and that for a Sunday evening! The entrance fee was € 22,- on Saturday and only € 17,50 on Friday and Sunday. I expected to see many more naked people walking around for some strange reason. However, the booth-managers and visitors were (mostly) your everyday average people. The booths ranged from the non-erotic (aquariums, photo shoots and interior design) to the downright triple X (sex-toys, live shows and dvd’s). You could only enter the “mazes” and live sex-shows as a couple –pervy wankers not allowed. There was a screened off center stage with live erotic shows, but I didn’t really stick around long enough, because I could not see much. All in all the fair was worth the € 17,50 and was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon with my BF. The next Kamasutra Fair is on September 24-26.
Progress (0/3) :
- Kiss a girl
- Have sex outdoors
- Celebrate 2 year anniversary
What constitutes cheating? I’m not talking about: kissing, heavy petting or having sex.
What behaviour, which is not inherently cheating– such as above mentioned activities, is not considered ‘okay’ when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
I ask myself this, because I sometimes find myself in situations in which I get offered opportunities to behave in ways which are definitely of the cheating category. However, one does not go from “okay activities” to “cheating activities” in a single step; at least anyone with a partner would hope not. There’s always a game played in which the players react off of the other before they get to a point where one might even think of suggesting sexual activities. In plain English: it takes two to tango. So, if I were to use the “baseball” analogy in which inning should you decide to sit out the game? Do you:
- Not play the game at all = stay home, never look a man in the eyes and cover you body from head to toe when/if you leave the house
- Play innings 1-3 = Any non-verbal behavior programmed to let another person know you like them: smiling, mirroring, eye-contact, hair flipping/twirling
- Play innings 4-6 = Any conscious behavior: light (unnecessary) touching, purposefully looking that person up, flirtatious jokes, winking
- Play innings 7-9 = Any behaviour that constitutes courting: prolonged touching, chatting/ calling, rendezvous outside of usual contact, dancing
Mind you in any inning can the opportunity present itself for you to score a home-run or a base hit, but the chances of that happening dramatically increases as you play inning after inning. So tell me how long can your partner play the game before he/she strikes out with you and when do you decide to sit-out the game?
My experiences and answer in Cheating: The Game Part II